The Tiger is on the Prowl

pegasi_quill wrote:

VicternoO wrote:The Tiger is loose in the zoo.
Who would expect him not to be looking for an escape? Shorten this line, or break it down into two seperate ones, for effect
People running,
No longer observing the Tiger.

He’s on the prowl now
And he’s a Tiger; I find such a statement redundant and boring. Cut?
He seeks revenge
From the one’s who invaded his land and locked him up. Again, too long a line, doesn't fit in

We better get somewhere high,
No he’ll climb. comma after the "no"
He seeks revenge until his death,
He’s made it out and wants no more in.

We better just run
And hope the Tiger does not choose us. Rather anti-climactic ending, no offence. I'd fix that if I were you, because it sort of ruin the entire poem.

Overall, not too bad, just a couple of minor things for you to fix that I pointed out above. I like the idea, though.

Also - no need to capitalise every line.

And you need imagery.

Apart from that, good job

This free verse is very unique. You must try to make your lines more equil spaced and maybe this poem would sound better with rhyming. you should try writing dramatic stories, i bet you would be really good at them. Cant wait to see more of your poetry/stories!

Hm, this goofed around with my brain box a bit mainly because I'm not all that familiar with the modern free verse, so when I come across it I tend to go all old-fashioned. So just bear with me while I crit this.

I kind of liked the flow of it all - it was like raggedy, as if the poem was feeling the terror of the people, who were in the zoo with the tiger. I also liked how you capitalised the word "tiger" everytime it was used. This gave it a sense of the tiger not just being a "thing" or an anime, but a big part of the story that is unfolding.

I wasn't too keen on the structure of the poem though - but I think I pointed that earlier. I'm sorry I'm not much help of the improving side of your poem.

Happy writing!

I am simply estatic at the fact that there are still those of us who can actually comrehend that there does not need to be profanity or gore to be considered a well read piece of work. When comparing other peoples work, I often come upon the fact that there are always those who persist on the demening of morals in their writing in order for it to gain respect.
I found that how the tiger was beyond the steryotypical view of an animal was a very clever use of personification. Many people would simple make him talk and entitle themselves as, "The Best Writers in the World." The mentality of it all was fascinating due to the fact that, not only did the tiger have emotion such as a human, but he was given an opprotunity and siezed it. Something that even the highest of humans can not do in this day and age.
I Salute you.
-TheIllusionist

VicternoO wrote:The Tiger is loose in the zoo.
Who would expect him not to be looking for an escape? Shorten this line, or break it down into two seperate ones, for effect
People running,
No longer observing the Tiger.

He’s on the prowl now
And he’s a Tiger; I find such a statement redundant and boring. Cut?
He seeks revenge
From the one’s who invaded his land and locked him up. Again, too long a line, doesn't fit in

We better get somewhere high,
No he’ll climb. comma after the "no"
He seeks revenge until his death,
He’s made it out and wants no more in.

We better just run
And hope the Tiger does not choose us. Rather anti-climactic ending, no offence. I'd fix that if I were you, because it sort of ruin the entire poem.

Bonjour mon amie
Now - let us to our business, commence

Personally, I am not the worlds' biggest fan of modern free verse. However this one was good. Well, I liked it at least

Because of it's genre, it's hard to comment on rhyme or rhythm...because it has none and needs none. soooo...erm yer ahahaha
I really did like the narration, it was very entertaining and easy to read.

Kudos

Love
Kris
x